Original Post by Manolith’s blog (fair use posted)
We all come across some seriously bad websites in our day-to-day lives on the Internet. It’s just an unavoidable fact of life, like coming across monsters on the way to the market in video games. When you come across these things, you should approach them with a modicum of fear, for it is something you don’t know, after all. But, more than that, you need to be brave, and you need to relish the experience with full sense of humor employed. These are the 20 worst websites we could find from across the world.
Upon entering this magnificent Canadian specimen of web-dominance, your eyes will immediately be drawn to the one of two key things: The rocket-launch gif image from 1992, or the floating head of the site’s patron saint, the departed Mr. Head. Both are hideous, but at least with the floating head you can spend a solid 20 minutes laughing inappropriately. If the yellow on blue on blue-r approach to color schemes isn’t your style, then you may want to steer clear of this place.
NOISE is pretty much just what its name says, it’s a pile of noise on a flat black canvas. This Czech site is nothing short of tragic in its dark attempt at design – and nine out of ten experts will agree; do not mix orange, yellow, black, more orange, some geocities-style frames and strange gif animations. It just doesn’t end well for anyone.
I’m not kidding you, that’s really the title of the site. Dominique apparently travels the world wreaking havoc on internet servers both at home and abroad, but never quite says where home is. We’re going to have to call this one a worldwide problem, since it doesn’t seem to claim particular citizenship.
Again, that title is completely serious. It’s not the subtitle of the site, it’s the real deal, and the text that comes afterwards is just as dramatic. If you’ve got a sudden urge to experience far too much teal for any eyeball to handle comfortably, while simultaneously reading about “kinky” mushrooms, this guy’s got what you need. Once you’ve had your fill of that, chop the URL to hit this New Zealander’s main landing page and get a nice dose of the color I can only call mauve.
At first glance this is just a mildly crappy German website, very obviously meant to supply video feeds of some sort. On closer inspection, it becomes clear that the “image” of a computer monitor is likely an icon of a computer monitor blown up to outlandish proportions before the inevitable forced blur to smooth it out. Top it off with some offset text trying to look like it’s actually displayed on the screen and you’ve got – you guessed it – fail.
Here we see a fine example of keeping things old school, by throwing an ancient and largely forgotten hit-counter up in the top left corner of this site. As if that wasn’t geocities ‘96 enough, we’ve also got the looping train whistle and complimentary ticker-tape running across the site’s barren midsection. Throw in a healthy amount of drab, unfinished but decrepit site-design with a nonsense-title and you’ve got German web-gold.
This one’s fun because on top of being your run of the mill SEO sleeze-site (already enough for some gag-reflexes to kick in), this guy states up front and center that he’s available for hire in the website design department as well. Screenshots just don’t do justice for these sorts of things, so you’ll have to take this one in for yourself, but you’re in for some green. Not just hideous green on green, but also 1994 corporate-placeholder clipart. He doesn’t stop there, either. He abuses the clipart. This is a sleeper, on passing by one may not notice, but this place is hilarious.
This Australian travesty seems to be some sort of half-assed attempt at a (purely) text-based infosplash, and it’s failing hard. They made the difficult decision, first of all, to go with center-align on this gob of easter-egg colored text. While brave of them, it was stupid, and it only serves to make the whole thing look like some form of massive and immobile tag cloud from hell.
Regardless of whether or not you like her music, and it is pretty good stuff, MIA needs to be booted off the Internet. The screenshot from her page simply cannot do it justice, you’re going to have to go there yourself and experience what I’ve experienced. Nausea. Terror. You may actually run to the bathroom to vomit, but lose your balance on your way there and suffer a fall. Not since the Pokemon seizure disaster in Japan has there been a worse assault on the senses. If any are lucky enough to be unaffected by this site, they may actually make it far enough to actually purchase something, or possibly view tour dates, but I fear these brave souls are few and far between. Visit this one at your own peril.
I’m not sure if this site is ridiculously awesome or truly this outlandishly horrible, but Ling’s Cars will be stuck in your head for hours if not days after you experience it. You may have thought that used car salesmen in the USA were bad, but check out Ling, because this place is simply amazing. The cars themselves are buried inside mounds, literal mounds of strange and non-sequitur ads, gifs, strange images that make no sense, and creepy images that make less sense. If you’re in the UK and you want to do some used car shopping online, you may not want to go here, but if you want a good laugh on your lunch break, this place might be the right joint.
At first glance I was actually scared of what I had come across with this site, since it feels basically like a porn-page link farm. Much to my dismay, however, I found that it is actually a serious site, built to look this way on purpose, and not just for link farming. For the life of me, I still cannot tell what the little icons of houses and, oddly, what appear to be some sort of ovens crossed with a televisions, are actually for. They litter the link-space so thoroughly that the actual text, which is already rough on the eyes, gets muted out. As if it weren’t bad enough that there was a link-space to begin with…
The hit-counter (yes, it’s a common theme here) on this page says it’s been counting since 2004, but the site feels like 1992, and even then it would have been lambasted for having not only no structure, but negative structure. This won’t be the only site to commit such column-crime on this list, but it’s one hell of a good example. Really topping this one off is the complete lack of any actual title, or even stated purpose. By looking at the mess on-screen, it becomes clear they’re selling electronic gadgets; the problem with that is that it’s painful to look.
If you take one look at this page and you find that you cannot stop laughing, you’re not a bad person. Well, not for that, at least. Zimbabwe is apparently a little behind the times, by about 20 years, because this is by far one of the most pathetic websites I have ever seen. What’s saddest about this poor little page, is that it was updated at the beginning of this year. That means it’s supposed to be this bad.
The closest thing to a site title I could find on this page was Hosanna1. It seemed to be a point of pride that the site’s name be this. Why? I do not know, but the various methods of subtitling were used to show that they are involved with dogs, afghans in particular. Of course, the enormous afghan with wings animated gif image in the center of the screen also does a fairly good job of showing this was their intent as well. All in all, that dog caused possibly the longest fit of laughing I’ve experienced in about three weeks. So I’m glad I happened across Hosanna1.
If you’re missing your dose of crazy for the day (week), and also want to see what websites looked like when children made them for free in 1995, then hit up some of Japan’s finest. There doesn’t seem to be a definitive site-title anywhere, and the navigation is downright painful. Since it can be difficult to make it far enough down this rabbit hole, just skip straight to this gem, Chapter 17 of The Attack Of Ufos and the Giant Deluge of Noah.
One of my favorite types of awful sites to find, this absolute assault on the eyes is actually a place for building websites. I don’t know if this is supposed to be some sort of plot to take over the internet, by creating more horrid monstrosities like this one, or if these people were seriously just that bad at design. Either way, it’s pretty amazing, so amazing that I feel the need to tip my hat to the designer.
Wolfgang seems to take “being awesome” to a whole new level with his private website. Its impossible to tell just how many layers of terrifying gif images, tickers, frames, and flat out MS Paint drawings there are in this mash-up. There is no doubt in my mind that this guy meant to go all out or go home, because sites this drastically ridiculous need careful planning to come to fruition.
Here is an enigma of the Internet. CSS Zen Garden is a reputable place online that exists to showcase and teach a little about the uses of CSS in site-design. That’s why Geocities 1996 is so hilarious, and confusing, because it’s literally a throwback to the Duke Nuke’em ages. This guy’s gone all out, he’s not only got the dancing hula girl gifs, but he’s resurrected the long-forgotten “UNDER CONSTRUCTION” sign that populated more pages in the 90’s than actual content did.
Beating out every other site for the sheer number of tiny, yet blurred images that could only be described as misplaced avatars, Haven Works has given us something that can not only cure hyperactivity, but cause headaches. Its columned approach to page-layout is missing the element of having an end, and the page itself will scroll down unassisted for something in the range of three days time. This one’s not packed full of ads though, there is actual text-content crammed into these columns at a font-size so small that it looks like wallpaper. Be warned, this site will damage you.
Bella DeSoto deserves special recognition for creating what may possibly be the absolute worst page in the history of all bad webpages. This site is so amazing, so incredible in its evil genius, that it nearly crashes most browsers today – in 2009. That being said, be careful, because you absolutely must experience this site yourself – It’s too large for most screen-capture software to handle. Both vertical and horizontal scrollbars will seem unfit to handle the vast distance they will have to travel. I postulate that no man has ever full explored the entire site, as it would likely take more years than he has in him. Did I mention the unstoppable soundtrack?